april 8th 2011. the day i forgave you and at least somewhat trusted you again.
one of the most beautiful days of the year.
and now, it just seemed too good to be true.
the picture that illustrates my summer. you seemed to really see me all my flaws and all the best things about me. and you just accepted it and like it. that was something i loved about you. i miss that so much.
when you took the picture of the girl with the polka dot skirt and the uggs walking on the train tracks.
i wonder if he knew.
i wonder if he knew the person he was with half the time couldn`t be herself because she felt like she was on a clock so she constantly felt like she was walking on eggshells so she always posted a fake smile. the real me is strong tough, smart, and happy i wish he could come back and stability would give me to freedom to show him that girl.
today is a day where i`m not angry…just sad i suppose.
i just always thought you would care enough to be my valentine. you didn`t have to buy me anything or make me anything really, you`re so far away probably very busy. but i did hope for a skype call maybe type the words “happy valentine`s day“ onto the screen. maybe throw in an i miss you or something. the truth is the reason i`ve been so upset and so sad recently is because i wish you cared enough to even speak to me. i just feel like i`m the last on your list and it breaks my heart. i`ve never cared much about valentines day other then having fun with everyone but this year you were my valentine, i thought you would really care. but it feels like yo could just care less. i can`t even talk to my friends about this anymore because of my feelings towards you. i feel pathetic for even trying to keep the goodness that we had when clearly it seems to be the last thing that you want. i miss you. not canmore you, who talks to me like i`m a stranger off the street in cold civility, but you the boy i fell in love with in the city who was so warm and cared so much. that`s the boy i want to be my valentine. he was twice the man then the one in canmore. i wish you could be here be with me, but you can`t even talk to me, movies you`ve seen a thousand times, people you just met you can`t even take a small break to talk with me. i look at all the other couples and how sappy they are. truly i am a little bit jealous, i wish you could be here to hug me or take pictures with me or have a paint fight or laugh. i`ve just been so angry recently not because of hatred because i`ve been sad. i always thought you would at least remember valentines day.
i miss you steven, the steven from the city the boy with a caring heart. to that boy, i say happy valentines day. i love you.
30 day challenge time.
Day 4: How did you meet?
Tech class. That’s right in grade 9 i saw this kid and i didn’t like him at all he seemed like such a cocky loner. but then he started being really nice to me and i learned that there was more then how he looked he was actually really nice helped me with all of my projects and showed me bambi meets godzilla and would always make me laugh with things like the giftie rules or telling me not to let other people get me down. he even asked me to sign his yearbook and frequently took my things.
…i wouldn’t have had it any other way.
no fuck it even though im going to be depressed i will be depressed and successful.
time to be the woman i should be, off to write a fucking amazing essay i go.
i just overheard my mom and my aunt talking about how you never truly liked me you were always just stringing me along and feeling like i was forced upon you.
maybe they’re right…
Decorating your room keeps you surprisingly occupied.
i figured i might as well vent all my emotions in a constructive very cute way.
LOVE MY FUCKING BEST FRIENDS.
besides serena theres my twin shes beautiful and can always understand my pain because she went through it. lets call her katie. <3. she stays up till all hours of the night with amazing phone calls she helps me and gets my mind off of things, so serena and katie this ones for you guys.
Got a second interview!
even though i’m really upset and hurt and so much right now i’m trying to focus on the positive, the girl at the amazingly paying job loved me and passed me on to the hiring manager! i hope i get it! :).
